“I only miss you every minute of everyday. You will never truly be gone, I will hold you safe in my heart forever.”

Hey Guys! Happy Thursday. I hope you are having a  great week. I never thought I would be writing this but I felt I needed to explain where I’ve been in case you were wondering why I haven’t posted much these past few weeks.

It’s with a heavy heart that I write this, on January 13th, 2016 my younger brother Anthony passed away. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. Anthony and I were very close. We were more than just siblings, we were great friends. I will always cherish our memories and fun times together. I will always love and miss Anthony and I pray he is resting in peace. I feel his presence everyday which has been a beautiful experience but I would do anything to have him here with us again. I miss our conversations, his voice and the way he made me feel. He was definitely a one of a kind guy that had a gift of always making you feel good.

It’s extremely sad to come to terms with the fact that he took his own life. It was a complete shock to us all since he was always smiling, happy and making everyone laugh all the time. Lots of positive things were happening in his personal life recently so this was definitely a sudden tragedy. I know now that he was silently dealing with some sort of pain. There will forever be unanswered questions, emptiness and sadness but I’m also doing my best to honor his life and remembering all the great times we had. I will honor his life by pursuing my dreams as well as his dreams. Living life to the fullest is the main goal even though I’m grieving every day. And boy does nothing prepare you for these emotions you go through when you lose a loved one. It’s a roller coaster with good days and bad days but most days I just feel sad. I’m working on getting to a place that I can accept this but for right now I’m taking it day by day. Getting into a routine has been difficult but at the same time helpful since it keeps my mind focused on something else.

I feel tremendous gratitude that I have my family, friends and all of YOU. I can’t tell you how many people have reached out to me and most of these people are strangers. THANK YOU!! Without this blog that connection wouldn’t exist so with that being said I’m even more focused on MBS. Anthony was one of my biggest fans and I know he would want me to be happy.

My wish for every single person right now is that they live a peaceful, joyful life because it is short. I hope you live your life to the fullest, pursing all the dreams you can. I always want you all to remember….you are ENOUGH just the way you are:)

Anthony- I love you and miss you! Until we meet again…

xoxo,

Lisa

*If you or someone you know is having feelings of hopelessness, reach out to someone….help is out there. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 (800) 273-8255. Every life is special!*